Leading by Example

Over a decade ago I noticed a significant rise in violence among the boys at The Children’s Center.  There was more name calling and their aggressive actions were affecting the harmony we had all come to enjoy at The Children’s Center.  Without knowing the direct cause, I attempted to examine what social issues we might have been experiencing that were different than any other time in my fifteen years of care giving.

I sought the advice of professional counselors to see if they too had experienced the same thing. I examined every aspect of the Center from our policies to our supervision.  I was very careful in those days to monitor their Nintendo games and anything they watched on television.  We forbid anything that was violent down to the smallest details including not allowing toy guns at the Center and not allowing the children to make toy guns out of Lego’s (which they often did and hid them under the Lego table.)

The one thing that marked this period in time was the beginning of the Iraq War.  I’m not sure that was the catalyst for their aggressive behavior but I knew that I needed to do something about it for the sake of the kids.  At my own expense, I hired a professional counselor who at the time had designed a program for children called “Cool Waves.”  The idea was to bring youngsters together for special  sessions which included everything from role playing to leadership training exercises and even watching videos designed to teach children how to resolve problems through non violent means.

We pitched the idea of this “Cool Waves” program to the young boys who had displayed aggressive behavior above and beyond what we thought was appropriate.  I secured permission from the parents. A signed contract from the boys meant that they understood that this program was to help them with their aggressive behavior but most importantly it would help them redirect their energy towards a more productive outcome.  They also understood that we were paying for this because we believed in them and we believed them to be our leaders of tomorrow.  “Leaders of tomorrow” was the phrase that appealed to them.  The sessions were held off site each week for a number of months.  The boys were respectful and made every attempt to make this work for all of us. I was so proud of them.  They graduated from the program and were told that it was their job to pass that knowledge and newly-found behavioral skills down to the younger children.  And they did.  The whole atmosphere at the Center changed. Violence was replaced with compassion, kindness and understanding.  Peace had been restored.

I share this story today because I’ve witnessed the same aggressive behavior in society probably more these days than ever before. And not just among children.  Have we replaced compassion and kindness with hatred and violence? Has arrogance and greed along with our hunger for superiority divided us even more?  Have we become a country of bullies?  We seem to bully those who don’t believe as we do. We bully those whose political positions don’t mirror our own. ?  I feel somewhere down the road, we have allowed our egos to get the better of us.   Maybe it’s time we all took a hard look at ourselves.

I’m not excluding myself in this. I have been examining my own behavior and becoming more conscious about my actions and my reactions.  We should all be willing to fight for compassion and not mistake kindness as a weakness.

 Peace be with you!