The Fart

Some readers might find this too sensitive. I personally think we all need to chill out and not take each other so seriously. So, if this offends you…you were warned.

Several years ago, I invited a prominent person in Minden’s professional history to my home for dinner.  (Don’t try to guess who it is. She’s long been gone.) Anyway, she and her fiancée came to our home.  We had a very enjoyable evening.  After dinner we got comfortable and started to chat. In the middle of our deep conversation, I heard a rapid popping sound.  While I was wondering what it was, she continued to talk. I saw no changes in her facial expressions or that of her fiancée. I thought they must not have heard it. I stopped trying to guess what it was and simply dismissed it.

 We talked some more and I heard the rapid popping sound again. It sounded like it came from her direction. ‘Did she just fart?’I thought to myself.   Again I saw no change of expression in her face or his. I didn’t look at Rick’s face because I knew that any changes in his expression would be the end of me.   We conversed some more and there it was again.  There was no doubt in my mind this time that she had farted. And there was no doubt in my mind that she knew we all heard it.  She’s not deaf, I thought to myself. I could hardly keep up with the conversation for obsessing over her having farted. She kept her composure and never changed her expression. I couldn’t help but admire her strength and that of her fiancee. I know I could not have pulled that off.  I was dying inside.  I was right on the edge of busting out in laughter.  Keeping myself contained was beginning to cause me great pain.

Time passed and we were near the end of the evening anyway.  They began to make their way to the door.  We were standing in the doorway when another gust of wind was allowed to escape. No rapid popping this time just honest to goodness flapping of the cheeks.  And she remained poised and expressionless.  By this time, I am bleeding inside. My head was spinning with all kinds of painful memories of my cat dying so I wouldn’t break up.

They left that evening and once the door was shut, I busted out in laughter. Rick could not understand why I was laughing so hard.  Even when I tried to explain it through my manic laughter, he lost patience with me. He didn’t think it was funny at all….which of course made it even funnier.